Moments Of Emotions

Back And Dying

2008-04-27T00:10:00.003+08:00

I'm back and dying.... Lots of complaints and loads of stories.... Most are the bad and sucky ones... Sigh.....

I'm in bloody ward 63 and its the craziest and most hectic ward in Singapore ( that's what I heard so far )... I hate the way I do things now.... I hate the way I live things now... I hate practically everything now...

Its so hard to be a nurse and just go to Poly... Most of my friends are going to Poly while I'm bloody stuck.... stuck like a stuck up bitch, stuck like a foot somewhere, stuck like stuck.... How sucky is that? Things doesn't go my way and always never will... Who can I turn to now? Others have problems of their own and mine is getting more and more.... Increasing each and every day and never decrease..... If this is not getting any better, then I will most probably head to Flinder's next year.... Or not next two years...... Or worse try my way in to NAFA Dip in Performing Arts....

I wish I could DO what I want, HAVE what I want and ENJOY the things that I want.... Very Miserable now... really... can't put it to words...

Today Mr Goh even said I lost ALOT of Weight.... Sigh.... There goes the chances of getting fat....I'm so LOST and DISORIENTATED.... I think I may have DEPRESSION.... Maybe not too sure though.....

Helped the new kiddos for the Laos trip today, was a good start, was fun... Made new friends and ate good food... Was hoping for more to come so I can forget my troubles away....

I have been thinking about getting a tattoo but thinking about the needle piercing, I was like having many thoughts about it.... And finally I decided on a temporary tattoo not the one that you buy from a shop and DIY but it is from the tattoist who somehow 'Draw' it onto the skin.... I know its washable but not too sure how washable is it.... Another thing that I am getting is the DARK BLUE contact lens... It is so cool and I hope it goes well with me.... Heheheh... I gotta stop now and will try to continue as much as I can..... Soon.....

Deadend??? Fullstop???

2008-02-15T22:08:00.004+08:00

Here I am again after months of disappearing.... Things have been hectic and darn busy. First news on board is that my results sucks. I really did my best but everything just go down the drain. I got 2.8 for my GPA. Fat hope of going to Poly w/o Ward Sister recommendation, as you all know I am a Nurse. Not a fun job at all, and mostly its supposed to be a stepping stone to my future. Just realised that I have been stepped instead of me stepping.

Secondly, I got to know this guy. He's 30 over of age. He's so average but I dunno why I am so into him. Gosh, if only I knew. He's been real sincere. I am like in a love/hate relationship. After 5 years of not being commited, I just really feared everything from the smallest things to the biggest which have yet to come. Wondering, wondering and keeps on wondering.... Is my life going to be over just like that? Simple as ABC but complex like 123???

I began to doubt my capabilities each and every day. I wonder if I will ever survive the years to come and reach my goals like I always wanted. Somehow I felt like my life has come to a fullstop. I am like a black dot in the middle of a drawing board. No one to talk to yet many to tell about...
My ward has a high number of death and OMG I don't even know how to handle it when the time comes.... I will stop for now and will try my best to be back asap.... Muacks!!!

How I Felt These Few Days...

2007-11-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

When There Was Me And You

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you
I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song
Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you
I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind
Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

Gotta Go My Own Way

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged
Its so hard to say, but I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay...

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,I gotta go my own way.

Don't wanna leave it all behind,
But I get my hopes up and watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to gray
And its just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away.
I'm leaving today cause I've gotta do what's best for me,
You'll be okay..

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here;
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday,
But at least for now,I gotta go my own way.

What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

What about trust?

You know I never wanted to hurt you.

And what about me?

What am I supposed to do?

I gotta leave but I'll miss you.

I'll miss you.

So I've got to move on and be who I am.

Why do you have to go?

I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

I'm trying to understand

We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now

I want you to stay

I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

What about us?

I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

I'm trying to understand

We might find our place in this world someday but at least for now,I've gotta go my own way,I've gotta go my own way,I've gotta go my own way..

Bet On It

Everybody always talking at me
Everybody trying to get in my head
I wanna listen to my own heart talking
I need to count on myself instead

Did you ever
Lose yourself to get what you want
Did you ever
Get on a ride and wanna get off
Did you ever
Push away the ones
You should've held close
Did you ever let go
Did you never not know

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am
I'll give it all I got
That is my plan
Will I find what I lost
You know you can

Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
I don't need
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy
Who means what I say
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it

How will I know
If there's a path worth takin
Should I question every move I make
With all I've lost my heart is breaking
I don't wanna make the same mistake

Did you ever
Doubt your dream will never come true
Did you ever
Blame the world but never blame you
And will never
Try to live a lie again
I don't wanna win this game
If I can't play it my way

I'm not gonna stop
That's who I am
I'll give it all I got
That is my plan
Will I found what I lost
You know you can

Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy
Who means what I say
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on me

Oh hold up
Give me the room to think
Bring it on now
Got to work on my plan
Got to do my own thing
Hold up

It's no good at all
To see self and not recognize your face
Out on my own is such a scary place
Ohhh
The answers are all inside of me
All I gotta do is believe

I'm not gonna stop
Not gonna stop till I get my shot
That's who I am
That's my plan
Will I end up on top
You can
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
You can
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
I wanna make it right
That is the way
To turn my life around
Today is the day
Am I the type of guy
Who means what I say
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
Bet on it
You can bet on me

So these words tells you exactly how I felt lately... It's not easy being me as well as it's not easy being you but being me is more harder than being you... If you get what I mean.... Sp long for now and see you all soon....

Made A Fool Of Myself

2007-10-16T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hahaha.... I'm not sure if I'm suppose to laugh at myself for believing in his sweet words or to be angry at him for not replying my messages. Damn you, Will White, you promise me that you'll call or text me once you've reached Singapore but I see none, not even replies from MSN. What do you take me for? An automated computer operator or what? You may have all the mesmerising blue eyes in the world but you also have a BLACK heart. You could have told me that you do not want to meet up. I could have accepted that fact but you do not have to go missing like that. Disappear out of the blue. Gone with the wind. I hate to hate you but it really hurts that you just shut the door in front of me without saying goodbye. I can't cry my heart out. My bros are going thru tougher times than me. I can't let all of us be in a depressed mood. At least one have to stay strong. Gosh, I feel so cheated and used.

Attachments starts and things are getting bored for me. Lots af things are coming up. I wish to be free from all the troubles and lead a happy and enjoyable Life. Sad, sad and sad. Nvm see y'all soon. gotta go for now.

Thinking Is Bad Seriously....

2007-09-08T13:52:00.000+08:00

Why do I like to think so far away? Its just so irritating and agitating. Thinking far and cannot achieve what was planned. This really sucks big time. To the MAX. How long will it take for me to stop thinking like this as this trait actually affects my ADLs. Why do I even think this deep? Any benefits? I guess so. Benefits which you know increase my brain capability thus killing and murdering lots of my brain cells. My OWN brain cells.

God, I really need a miracle right now. This moment and this spot. Take me to the place where it fits me. Bring me to the stars which shines brightly and never dies out to help those in need. Keep me busy with Life. Make me so busy that I have not a single second to be busy. Make me do or find stuffs which occupies my time so that I am force to not think about alot of stuffs.

Right now all the things that I want to do seems so wrong, very wrong. It use to be okay and fine. Trying out phases where I think I will actually regret when I get old. As I use to say, all things must try before you gets old and regret for not living your youth to the fullest. Gosh, I'm so lost. Do not know where to head to. Run around and hide behind the bushes? Hides around BIG, FAT and Humongous trees? Or dig a hole and hide my head under? GOD! Damn it , how could I not see these coming? Its getting shit, shitty and shittier by the moment. And bravo accompanied by Panic, Panicky and Panickier. Things are going haywire now, really entangled and mixed up.

With these, I ends today BLOG. Hopefully it is long enough and covers from where I last left it. So I guess all of you can look forward to the upcoming news and stories which either bores you or interest you. Most probably have lots of thinking too. Impressively, wait and see how "beautiful" or "wonderful" my life can gets.

Distancing away from Friends????

2007-08-19T15:20:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning at Mama Joanne's house.... Feels lost , blur, dumb and really sad to the core. Do not know why but yea.... I feel like I am distancing myself away from my friends maybe due to the graduatin day coming which I guess will be fast and you would not even notice it... It feels as though history repeats itself.... Having friends and soon they'll be gone and the only ones left are those who troubles you alot... The ones whom you treat like a part of you just move on like leaves being blown in the wind... Its a sad thing to say but thats the ULTIMATUM truth. I should have actually remain being stuck up since the start of my year, last year. Being friendly just makes things sick, yea true you'll have company for sometime but as days goes by, it'll begins to fade away... God, life is horrible enough for me to stay in and I still have to suffer more.... Not being ungrateful but just stating the facts which is yea true. These are the Phrases that is on my mind right now:-

1. Things gained are things lost.
2.With every deed there's a bad consequences.
3.Without realising, history will always repeat itself.

Could my Life be getting more worse than it is now...? The answers is obviously a big, fat YES... but that is for me to find out and for you people reading this to know, not now but soon. It is raining as I typed these out, cant cry due to being at someones' place so the sky is crying for me... Sad but true.... Logging off for now......

First Successful Skin

2007-08-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

Yea.... Made my first SUCCESSFUL blog skin.... Not too good but manageable....Depressive week but somehow interesting.... Somehow life seems to repeat over and over again as if I never had enough of it... Tomorrow is NAPFA test and hopefully 100 percently I do not need to do it... This is so crazy.... Oh yea I manage to be shortlisted in the Laos trip.... Heard that they will cut down on the people involve but I'm not too sure bout it, I'll just follow the flow. Either way I am happy. I should learn to take things easy for I have been taking things to hard... Effects aren't clear but as time goes by it'll be clear not to me but to others out there who will or will not be my future friends... There's lots of projects and stuffs that needs to be done.... Gosh it is so damn tiring.... I really miss not having to dance like last year.... This have been too fast and too dull... How boring can it be??? Luckily I have my friends whom I treated like my family... Lol... It seems predictable that I'll soon be kicked out of the house for some reason... I have been wondering for the past few day.... Am I childish in a way??? I strongly feels that I'm not cos it's just that when he disturbs me I behaves in that certain manner due to not trying to get pissed off every little moment... Anyway it's late already and I guess I better get moving and head for the sack so yea good nite for now and best of luck to those who'll be taking the NAPFA Test.... Gambatte Minasai....

Slap Or not A Slap

2007-08-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

Friday 3rd August 2007 1129pm

Today was a short day which apparently became long.....To cut things short and make it more precise is does sliding your hand without force is considered as SLAPPING??? Well SOMEONE was apparently mad at me today and accuse me of SLAPPING him which is okay but then he says his mum and dad didn't even slap him before which actually hurts me... So yea the story means that you can knock others head till you beat the ass out of him but others can't even slap you which is actually forceless.... And worse scold my mum in other language which I apparently understand and I never even thought of using his mum and dad as part of our arguements... And I was praying deep inside that he didn't really understand the meaning of what he told me.... Gosh all these petty stuffs are so childish but then it does affect your relationship with others.... Well from now on I've got to be real careful with him... Offending others is what I hated most but if it means not having friends just so as not to offend others then so be it.... Anyway Life is just about the wind passing you by... So all these things are merely temporary... They'll fade sooner or later and it means that I gotta be prepared to let go even if I can't.... Sadness and Sorrows signing off till next time.....

Bored 2 days.....

2007-07-22T21:11:00.000+08:00

Sunday 22nd July 2007 0912pm

These 2 days are damn boring... nothing to do and lots of projects.... Sit around at home thinking bout Life.... Its becoming a favourite pastime.... I was wondering how he manage to remember the sms that I sent him when I didn't talk to him months ago.... I thought he would have forgotten bout it by now... Surprisingly and really touching my heart he did remember the sms though he didn't remember the full contents.... I was thinking that when he says sorry that he really didn't mean anything at all just a plain empty sorry cos he needs others to force him in order to say sorry but yea he said that he meant it.... Sorry cant help it but I am someone who is full of curiosity and suspicions. Cant help it but its an innate thing...

Should I follow my heart or should I follow my mind??? Lots of decisions to make and lots of other things to think about.... I hate to be alive yet I have to be grateful that I am... If I am not alive I wouldn't be thinking about all these stuffs and worrying which is right and which is wrong.... I prefer being an animal always being hunted and also a carefree and non worry life... Right now all I really really ask for and requires desperately is a miracle. A MIRACLE to save me... All these build up emotions and feelings.... God i really hate it.... It sucks to the core... Asia is the worst to understand such things.... Western is way too open to understand these.... Wish I could just fly to the moon and forget what i know right now... Is this a gift or a curse????

I Feel Like Shit

2007-07-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 18th July 2007 11.06pm

Sigh... It's been so long since I updated this space.... Just remembered bout it cos today I just feels so shitty.... 3 INCREDIBLE PROJECTS, upcoming tests, CPR test, DUMB Sims, Felix Tan, MY damn Bloody self and friends....
Is it just me or the ppl around me? Man its too hard to express here... all I can do is that i feel like crying.... release everything here right now on this very spot.... I hate everything bout me from the smallest to the biggest.... every strand of hair... why was i even born to suffer all these...? i seriously don't deserve all these... its way beyond my control... and while noting this down, i'm actually in tears and seriously i don't know for what the tears are for? Fall as they may but it serves no purpose at all... I hate this feeling that i'm having... Ppl see me as the plain guy with the plain dumb stuffs that he do, seriously I don't care what they think.... I don't know how long its going to go on.... Guess, i'll be quiet for the rest of the days.... everything seems so hopeless.... and everything means everything and i have no one to turn to and no one means no one as in none..... with this, i take my leave to the deep slumber of the night.....

Back From Wherever I Was

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

Monday 4th June 2007 11.42 pm

Hey hey hey people, I am back after so long and damn I had lots of things happening. Today itself just went to watch Shrek with Vic, Yati, Benjy, Gabe, Nick and Ain. I fell asleep at the start of the show but yeah manage to watch the rest of it. The show was cool but I think not as cool as the upcoming Fantastic Four. Today is also the starting of my new attachment at the Institute of Mental Health. It was damn freaking boring. I wish we were back at the ward and also it is damn scary with all the eyes watching and creeping up behind you. Oh yeah, sorry for the font on today's blog, I don't know what happen but I just can't seem to change it. Reminds me of being lost early this morning when I am heading towards Hougang Green to meet the rest for breakfast. Almost got cheated by an irresponsible old man. But who cares... May someone else trick him for tricking me.... Whahaha...

I feel empty yet full... I feel close yet apart... I feel needed yet unwanted... Am I being what people wants me to be or should I be who I want to be? People still do not understand me... Yeah and they'll go talk to me in order for me to know you more better... How can I??? Confirm by letting people know I will lose alot. And these alot are basically tomodachis( if you all even know what that means). I feel like I had make a very very very big mistake. How can I go on living like this??? I'm in eternal despair with a fake mask over. No one actually knows what it means to be me... Everything's not okay but my mouth is so heavy to say its not okay. I will always end up to be saying yeah everything's fine and I can very well damn handle it, when all I do is push it aside. Do I have to throw everything away and lead a new life?? Throw the past and create my own future??? Throw my friends away and make new ones??? Start a life which is so full of ME??? It sounds like I am well damned being selfish, selfish to myself and others... Why can't I just be me and ignore what others wants of me??? Huh, putting up a brave front when there's full of loose screws in every joints... Its time for me to go and ponder and wonder of what will happen next....

So Many Things At Once

2007-05-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Thursday 4th May 2007 10.23pm

Sigh... It has been a month since I last blog... There are too many things that happens at once... And I really mean many... Let me try to get all the details here one by one.... Oh now I'm wondering where to start first either by immportance or by occurences... I'll try to blast everything.... Today I went to my Bio lecturer's wake. From what I heard, he pass on due to AMI ( Acute Myocardiac Infarction).. Sorry Benjy, I'm of not much help, can't console for nuts so all I can do is cry with you... Then the ceremony starts whereby we all walk around the coffin to take a last look at him... I thought of going last and let the rest go first so that it won't affect me that much but I was proven insanely wrong. People passing by and tears flow from each person's eyes and each emotions that was let out was too heavy for me too handle, something an empath have to live with.. Then tears flow from my eyes, slowly yet powerfully, then the next thing I know I am crying.... Crying due to others emotions then slowly it went too deep into me and my memories about him makes the sorrow mine... I tried to forget but each time the vision fades it becomes clearer, not that I do not want to forget him, it is just an automatic process... The counsellors were not of much help, they made my situation worse and more worse... I can't express it anymore than how I feel... Not every words is worth every emotions...

This is for you, Mr Raj:
Passing On With Love

Sympathies and Condolences are not worth

every words that I could Say or Write,

The Tears that flows are not worth any Gold

or Diamond shining Bright,

The Memories and Feelings I will keep them

very Near and Tight,

Your Spirit and Soul, I will pray for Day and

Night.

This is one sad experience, so far I have never cried at any funerals, be it my uncl or my great grandma.. I do find it strange but somehow its a memorable thing. I will always see Mr Raj in the blue shirt and black pants and walking with full of poise. The thing that makes me remember him the most is that he taught us beyond school hours and the lessons is WORTHWHILE as his teachings is so simple yet memorisable. He postponed his date for a few hours while he taught us. He had buffet with his date on that day... Somehow I feel like I make a mistake by letting him stay and teach us as he should have spent his time enjoying with his date eating out and not repeat the same thing to us over and over again....Sigh.......

This is a current news from my mum. My cousin does not seem to have any hope left. He was suffering from a tumour in the blood, he went for chemotherapy and stuffs even took his sister's bone marrow in order to cure him. For a while, he looked fine and seem to have recovered but now his conditions is getting worse. When I last visit him which was like yesterday, he looked like a bag of bones to me and I can hardly understand what he says due to slurring of speech. Now the doctor wanted to heal him by using his sister's bone marrow again and if it fails, it means that he really has no hope. I think now his hope is more like a 0.01%. His family is a good family, always helping mine. I really do not understand why these has to happen to the good people. Is there some kind of fun in doing so to the good people instead of the bad ones? Or the poor ones instead of the rich ones? Somehow I lost hope in God yet there is a glimmer of hope somewhere deep within me but Hope's full name is Hopeless so I can't depend much on it. We'll just have to wait for the news to see what is happening.

My uncle's getting married so do my cousins and my last uncle. Why do these people like to trouble others, I really don't get it. Just get married and don't make it grand... Gosh... And I got to help with stuffs... Sigh.. My hand is full of stuffs and things keep coming in.... I'll continue bout this some other day... For now I gotta sleep... Tomorrow is Sims for me. Ciao for now and see ya soon.....

Lost Wallet And A Friend In Distress And Maybe Love

2007-04-05T13:46:00.000+08:00

Thursday 5th April 2007 01.47pm

Okay here I am again reporting bout the daily happenings which is not so happening. Lol... I lost my NEW wallet at Cathay Cineleisure, the one near the California Fitness, while watching a late night movie which was not even late night as it is early in the morning (01.30am). We (me and Jai) went to watch 'The Hitcher' which was not even scary at all and also that bloody counter girl asked for my IC for a N16 show which I am so overage. Anyway, watched the movie, guessed all the plot correctly and so gonna sue that show for animal abuse at the start of the show.... My God, how can they just knocked down a cutesy-fuzzy-wuzzy bunny.. It is so adorable to die early. Okay.... Left my wallet on the seat for about 2 mins and when I returned to the seat, I found the wallet GONE. Damn it, who on earth is stealing my wallet with all those important documents. Luckily for me and unluckily for the bloody thief there's no money in the wallet. HAHAHAHA..... All I need is my damn bloody IC and 11B card. Gosh, thought Singaporeans are civilised enough but hell no there's still a wolf among the sheeps. Anyway, I am cursing those bloody hounds every minute of my life. Shit them...

A friend of mine is in distress and I seriously do not know how to help... LOL.. Never in my whole entire Life do I ever imagine being involve in a rape case... Not a single rape case but a double rape case as in being rape twice a day by the same bastard. I told my friend to report to the police but hell no, he/she resist to do so. And since I believe in human rights so I let that person be. I know it is so totally wrong but that is how it is, I can't do a single damn thing. Now the story is still pending so yea got to wait for the continuation as he/she still did not do anything yet for now. Okay......

Met up with this person yesterday and he/she is so adorable, cute and so heartwarming. So friendly and hardworking too. He/She says that he/she likes me a lot to the extand that he/she is so overjoyed beyond belief. I'm still lost of what to do. Meeting he/she today at Orchard and yea, i'm lost as always... Should I accept the proposals or not? Anyway will continue a.s.a.p. Take care peeps and ciao for now......

Feeling Blue

2007-03-27T13:21:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 27th March 2007 12.59pm

Yesterday I seriously felt horribly down even though we as in me and my neighbour, Fil, went out to make my passport. I got clueless as to how to fill in the forms and then we got horribly lost in the middle of the way to Bugis. I was having a bad and horrible stomach ache and Fil was complaining of being hungry and thirsty. We manage to find our way to Bugis and have our lunch there. We roam around in Bugis till 5 plus then we thought of going back home. So we took Bus 80 to SK. During the ride, I just start to feel emotional, feeling so empty and lonely. I always have these kind of feeling at least once a month. Like I always do, I began to search deep and deeper in me to find the answer to fill in that emptiness or as I labeled it abyss of darkness. I just kept falling and falling and falling knowing no stop or even coming to a halt. It feels as though I need to depend on someone but I can't cos that is the way how I live my Life. Not depending on someone makes me weak but depending on someone makes me even weaker. Sigh... I'm so sick and tired of all these... I JUST CAN'T AND DO NOT DEPEND ON ANYONE ELSE. I feel like a burden as I already am. People should be enjoying the school holidays but I am just stuck in my own thoughts, and what bad thoughts they are. Why was I even born a thinker, thinking takes too much of my time and energy. Man, I can't think of what else to write... Actually wrote a long version of this before when my PC just went " Internet Explorer not working " so I have to redo this bloody essay which I forgot most of what that I had expressed. Bloody Hell!!!!!!!! Okay got to go now feeling sad and all with no one knows what I am thinking...

Suffering, Stress and Silence

2007-03-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

Saturday 17th March 2007 12.43pm

Hahaha... It's been 3 days since I last blog. I had been rather busy on Thursday going out with Jai to this California Fitness trial... Lol.. Eventually we backed out cos man it is too depressing. How can I not be... seeing all those guys being buffed up and man are they hot... If I am a girl damn would I go weak in the knees... Hahaha. Eventually on that day, I just went to cut my horribly dyed hair and went to eat LJS. Then yesterday which is Friday went to Orchard for an outing with Benjy, S2, Mummy Joanne, Jarell, Candy and her daughter which I forgot her name cos I wasnt paying attention to what her name is, Xiang Yun, Victoria, Gabriel and Nicky. We had to wait long but its okay... This is the only time where we can wait for others cos when in hospital others will be waiting for us... Never mind... Forget bout work.. Now is the holidays so enjoy it while it last. Hehehe... We went to eat at KFC and then to Swensen's. Hohoho... Surprisingly I met an ex-campmate of mine, Saffy or Safwan, who is on attachment there... Cool or what ( which Vic will always say ). Hehehe... I do laugh alot here... Then in the late afternoon we went to Vivo where we end our day with pool and oh yea the morning too we start the day with pool, swimming pool that is. Hahaha.... I end up playing Tennis and Para2, which I did not touch for ages. LOL....

Yesterday too, many people say I'm way too quiet than my usual self. Xiang Yun says that it is so scary that I am way too quiet. Lol... I didn't expect people to say that I am way too quiet and it is scary that way. Haiz... But it is okay cos I am just being me... Benjy says that I am tired due to the swimming but seriously I am not. LOL.... It is just that I have lots of things to thik about like the sudden proposal from D... What should I do about it? I really hate disappointing people but that is just how it is either left or right, right or wrong, up or down and many other oppositions that you people can think of. Seriously I am now in a state of no feelings at all, neither sad nor happy, neither angry or calm.... I am just stagnant with bubbles at the bottom just waiting to be boiled up.... I have been suppressing whatever feelings that I have. Nad says that she do not want to see me breakdown along the way but yea as long as I am strong I'll suppress it as long as it takes. Talking and complaining bout this just reminds me of the documentary ' TABOO', whereby when people see something weird, strange and contagious, they just become an OUTCAST. Really I mean is there no justice in this world ( LOL.... Sounds so Comical ). I'm sick and tired of all these man but hey life's got to go on no matter what.... Man being whiny and stuffs sucks but well, its been loads of fun and stress releasing. Even though no one reads or maybe only a person reads this, it feels like the whole world is reading this. It may not be helpful to me but hopefully somewhere in this world this actually becomes an INSPIRATION to the ones who found and reads this article. Yay... Done for today and signing off, Aspiring Novelist and Journalist, Fye. HAHAHAHA...... Thanks and Ciao for now.....

Classicals And All

2007-03-13T15:56:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 13th March 2007 4.02 pm

Sigh... Kinda boring day for the first day of school holidays. Watched La Orca D'Oro, an anime bout music, kind of triggering my needs for instrumental skills. Use to think of playing the Violin but from what I heard its gonna leave rough marks on your fingertips. Lol... I so do not want that. Now I am thinking of getting a Flute and this time it is for sure. First I'll be surveying the price of the Flute at Plaza Singapura, hopefully it is cheaper than the Violin. I'll be struggling with the notes but like hell, who cares as long as you have the passion for it nothing is gonna stop you. Oh yeah, I cried for the first time today this year while watching La Orca D'Oro. Sad but great story. People will say that I am totally nuts for watching the show and cry as it is only a cartoon but yea even cartoon shows have their stories to tell and also lessons to learn. Hahaha... These are all for now and not sure if I will be adding anything again for today. Ciao for now....

Exam And Squabbles

2007-03-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

Monday 12th March 2007 12.31 am

Sigh... Today exam was so difficult. I thought that I had it easy but I was proven wrong. My mind just went blank on the paper. I could not remember a damn single thing. I wonder if it is okay to swear in blogs... Oh yea kinda new to this thing so bear with me.... The MCQs was damn easy but then the structured question really knocked me off balance. Hopefully I'll get at least a 50% pass... What a depressing afternoon. To make it more worse, ML just screwed my day upside down... How can she call me a third party when I am only being humane? As a nurse, she should understand better. Lol... Like C says, she's also being a third party.... Man do I feel like skinning her alive and to make it better.....SLOWLY..... With such attitude, how can she even be a GS... That's totally sucky man. She can talk about others but we can't tell the person of what she says, sigh, how hypocritical can she be. She thinks she owns it all and plays by the rule of her choice but she's not. She is just afraid of losing and feeling the power of failure. Damn it, somehow I cant think much today, feeling kinda giddy now... This is all for today will continue tomorrow cos I need my rest and beauty sleep. Hehehe.... Ciao.

Blockhead Literally

2007-03-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

Sunday 11th March 2007 12.02pm

Darn it... Today there is practically nothing that goes into my mind... I could not say that no learning took place but yea it seems like it. Hopefully some of the stuffs that we have been debating about today could be stored in the brain for future usage or reference. Even so, it is a great say with Benjy, Nicky and eventually joined by Fil, my neighbour. Thanks guys, its been loads of fun with the craps and tortures. Hahaha... I'm sorry Benjy about Sandy's stuff. You know I am trying my best to be a good friend and a promise keeper. I could not tell you who it is due to my promise to WSG and Sandy. Though Sandy says its okay to tell, since I think you are almost there at guessing the right person but WSG worries that you may have loads of questions to ask Sandy and may interrupt her concentration for tomorrow's exam. I meant well and not to keep secrets from you. You are the best but yeah you know what I mean. Anyway Gan say that if you want to know who Sandy's boyfriend is then you got to come to Gan's chalet since she and her boyfriend are being invited. I mean its cool or what, you will get to see them in person earlier than you think you could. Lol.... I know I sounded lame but yeah the effort is there.... Anyway Nurses, Do Your Best For Tomorrow Exam. Jia You!!! Okay I got to go now.... Will be continuing my story some other time.... Hehehe.... Ciao!

Marimo And The Days Before...

2007-03-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

Saturday 10 March 2007 @ 10.45 pm

Woohoo...... Today I bought a Marimo. Kinda cute and green. Hahaha. In case many of you do not know what a Marimo is, it is a ball of algae or sometimes labelled as moss ball ( sounds like mothball ). Seems rather dumb but yeah, I like my Senzozakura alot. Lol, I named it after Byakuya's Bankai Technique from Bleach. Oh, I am watching Bleach now while typing this. Day was rather happy cos Benjy was touched of what I sms him the day before. Or so I think. He made me totally furious a few days back but I could not do anything so I just shut myself up till the exam day. My oh my, how can he be so insensitive bout seeing and READING private messages. Well, at least it came to term that he's that way and I cannot change him for who he really is not. I can never understand how he feels. But it is okay. He should know everything bout me but somehow I feel like he is not ready for it to know more about me that is. Benjy and Nicky are the most precious people to me. Both contributed alot unknowingly. One being too happy-go-lucky while another being too jovial. I admit that I have been taking Life too seriously but that is how I live my Life. No one guide me on how to live. I have lots of friends but many come and go, none actually stays. Most of the time, I think that it is due to our schedule and the distance that we stayed from each other. Crap, I do feel silly saying all these but yeah, one of the sacrifices I need to do to be an aspiring journalist. Hahaha... Maybe I was meant to be alone all the time due to me being was off-course when people are on the same frequency. All these thinking and pondering just made my health condition worsen. Lose more energy and have more angina. To add the problem, I have only completed one topic for Bio Science today and that topic is the Endocrine System. Man, do I feel dumb and shitty.... Talking bout dumb, yeah I guess I am.... Being dumbly kind or dumbly lenient or maybe both... Doubts, doubts and doubts... That is all I have plus worries... These are the things that I will bring to my death bed... Hahaha.. Sounds funny but yeah, it is possible seeing the way I am. Lol. I do not know when my next posting will be. Maybe ages later, not to say that I am lazy but I just kinda forgot bout it. Maybe I should just put the add on MSN so that I will remember it. Okay I got to go now. Will be preparing for tomorrow to continue with studies. Hopefully I do not burn my brain with the electrical discharges. With this at the end, I am signing off with doubts and worries again. Hehehe...